11 Red Flags Of An Abusive Dominant

Predators and abusive Dominants are everywhere. But how do you know the person you are with is an abuser and not just  a strict Dominant?

I’m going to give you 11 Red Flags that can indicate you are with an abusive person. This is nowhere near an exhaustive list. There are many many more flags out there. See the list of other essays below if you want a more in depth article.

1. Are you afraid of your Dominant?

2. Do they threaten to leave or abandon you of you don’t submit?

3. Do they threaten violence if you don’t submit?

4. Does the Dominant give you expensive gifts to get you to do something you don’t honestly want to do?

5. Have you gained or lost a lot of weight while being with the Dominant? (this does not include intended weight loss or gain)

6. Do they make you feel guilty if you can’t or won’t do something?

7. Does the Dominant make you feel ugly and unwanted?

8. Have you ever felt like you have been raped after having sex with the Dominant?

9. Do they ignore your needs, such as medical treatment, food or clothing?

10. Have they ever questioned your loyalty when you question their behavior?(Yup, I could keep going…)

11. Does your Dominant ignore your limits or safe words?

Where to Find Help

It is important that you find out for yourself and then get out. There are local and national agencies to help you get away safely and start your life over again.

I strongly support the National Leather Association – International Domestic Violence Project in their efforts to bring awareness of abuse in BDSM relationships.

If you are experiencing a domestic violence emergency please call 911.

If you need help or assistance with domestic violence please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at:

1-800-799-SAFE         or       1-800-787-3224 TTY

Stay safe, protect yourself and get out. You do not need to stay in an abusive relationship; especially with children.