Ten Tips For Living With A Sadist

1.  Assume that they are always looking for an excuse to punish you.  Never, for example, accidentally eat their cheese sandwich.

2.  If they force you to write down your fantasies for their reading pleasure, don’t write down anything that you wouldn’t want to actually happen at some time in the future.  Once you are running naked through the woods pursued on horseback it’s usually too late to protest.

3.  Don’t put off the inevitable, it will only get worse.

4.  Take great care when purchasing anything for the home, as it is likely to be used as a toy sooner rather than later.  Trips to home improvement store are particularly suspicious.

5.  Think twice before liking any pictures on Fetlife.com - you’ll only give them ideas.  

6.  Cultivate an innocent expression.  Try this out on your friends, practice makes perfect.

7.  Assume every doughnut (or any other edible treat) is your last.

8.  Don’t forget your manners in the throes of passion and wipe off excess bodily fluids on their chests, this behaviour is frowned upon for some reason.

9.  Never ever express a dislike of anything, especially cold showers.

10.  When in doubt, hide.